She’s Gotta Have It: No Matter How Much They Hate It

There are some (black) women out there that have an issue with Nola Darling.
Well, this piece is for you and them. I hope it finds you all well.

Hiding. Is where you will most likely, not, find your everyday Nola Darlings. Black women with deep rooted issues that have yet to be resolved simply because there is no resolution.

Take ‘her’ for example: she has a history of sexual abuse as a child, she was harassed every day of the week for having bigger boobs than all the other girls in her class, she was told to cover and hide her figure by adult males, she was catcalled one too many times, intoxicated she said no but he said the vibe was there and that was the only yes he needed, she masks her pains and issues by burying herself in her work and with the only tangible and ultimate goal of success.

Yet, this success is held back by ball and chain. The ball being the weight of the poor decisions that hang from the chains of abuse, neglect and abandonment. These are the poor decisions that play a grand opposition to the countless attacks on her being as a (black) woman.

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Hiding. Is where you will most likely, not, find your everyday Nola Darling feeding her son with the money she made while sucking dick bi-weekly for twenty-five grand stating that she is reclaiming her sexuality by controlling what she will and won’t do and charging a pretty penny for it. You will, not, find her surrounding herself with like minds and in secret sharing her deepest and darkest truths with the Michelle Obama’s because that is who she may, not, be.

Hiding. Is where you will most likely, not, find your everyday Nola Darling responding to messages from unsaved numbers playing the role of whoever they have perceived her to be because she would rather them embrace the fake than find out the real ‘she’. There you will, not, witness the implications of your words, that like a hand have silenced her by being placed over her mouth, thoughts, heart, concerns, and gestures because your statement “This is not what being a Black Woman is” or “Spike Lee has failed us yet again”. No.

He has failed you.

Hiding. Is where you will most likely, not, find your everyday Nola Darling on Sunday in the Church pew (or stadium seat or ‘bedside Baptist’) worshipping alone because she knows there is only one that is listening to understand. There you will, not, find her crying her eyes out when the lights turn on,off. Where her deep-rooted issues dance to a harmonious hymn and the sermon drains her of the power gained from her grand opposition.

Hiding. Is where you will most likely, not, find your everyday Nola Darling working two minimum wage jobs every other day after her nine to five shift is complete only to return to free drinks on Friday, strawberry flavored dicks on Saturday and slide the fuck up out her house Sunday morning because— repentance. In her home you will, not, find the secret stash of casual trips to your favorite sex shop. You will, not, understand or remember the intoxicated games of what words not to say that pull the chains tighter.

Hiding. Is where you will most likely, not, find your everyday Nola Darling preparing dinner in the kitchen for her hus-boy-fuckbud-ancé at five p.m. sharp only to stare at the plate sitting in the microwave after she has finished cleaning the kitchen… and that bottle of wine. Here is where you will, not, find her giving up and into the inhibitions that “Don’t represent black women at all”. Here is where you will, not, understand why she does the things she does or says the things she says.

In the deepest pits of her mind you will, not, find the encyclopedia of thoughts that have emerged from reading countless books on love, men, worship, trauma, healthy-lifestyle living, novels rooted in (non)fiction and self-help that scream to her ‘GET OUT’ because remaining in one place with one is just another chain.

This is why you will, not, find her juggling multiple suitors with particular attention that one thing they each possess to keep her around as she uses them all as her muses and segments to create her ideal love.

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Hiding. Is where you will most likely, not, find your everyday Nola Darling’s response to your statements that the most recent and only representation of her in the media is “Not Ideal”, “Does not represent (black) women”, which is how she self identifies, and “How this character fails”. Here is where you will, not, find the stings of pain that your words have caused in the world of your everyday Nola Darling.

Be cautious of your words that may, not, become judgments that then condemn those who have already been silenced.

Bravo Spike Lee.

Bravo Nola Darlings…. Continue to live your truth. One day, you will free yourself and allow yourself to be found or find exactly what your heart is looking for.

 

 

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