Ladies, what happens next when you find out you were the side chick…
We live in a society where the fetishization of being the side chick is at an all-time and high and these women do not care. So, when they find out they continue being the mashed potato beside your Filet Mignon ass. Most times they already knew they were the mashed potatoes but were satisfied with being on the plate so long as the gravy was poured upon them.
Me however, I am about to go off. (not-so subliminally)
(Dodging Bullets was tbr first but the questions in my advice inbox needed this answer)
Being that I have enough going on in my world, when I had the time I decided to engage the person I was sleeping with in a deeper conversation. To my surprise the response I received was, “well, we don’t speak much anyway, so why now?” In this moment, after having had sex with this person three times, I had realized I was being hoed. (Side note: sex is casual in the lifestyle of a hard-working person, male or female, and although the busy person may not have made anything exclusive in most cases the sex is, exclusive.) My response to this was, “oh. Okay. Bet.” Infamous. So few words, with so much meaning. I backed off.
When we bumped into each other out and about I would spot him first and make sure to stay away. Until that one time when I was entering a door he was exiting and made an awkward exchange of acknowledgement through a half hug. In the times in which I did not see him at all, he spotted me and made sure to send me a text later in the evening. A ‘wya’ or ‘wyd’ or two heart eye emojis, just a few simple words that all mean- ‘I am hoing you’. The correct responses were: ‘In my bed with my legs closed like a good Christian woman’, ‘Minding my business’, and ‘Thanks’. I needed him to understand that, the sex was never happening again.
The first time, was sweet and just as I expected. The ‘second’ occurred when he drove his silly ass to my house and got swerved with the ‘I am on my period’ but not really line.
After all this I kept our contact strictly via social media, aka Snapchat. Whenever I decided to watch snaps and came across his I would occasionally comment on whatever was posted. I mean, that is how most millennials engage with their friends today. That’s when out of nowhere, he tried to ho me again. Via snap-
After declining the dick pic. Less than twenty-four hours later he posted a shout out to what may or may not be his girlfriend. (no confirmation on this nor do I want one) The status began with “I can’t believe it has been a year” I didn’t read much after that, I simply scrolled through the photos, recognized her from an event he brought her to, realized he hadn’t been out of the country exploring as he pretended he was when conversing with me, and then I read the comments. Because as women, unfortunately, we are forced to be part detective. From this I managed to realize, he had hoed me far worse than I ever thought. He had made me an unwilling side chick.
Someone that had prided in being the Filet Mignon was some damned Mashed Potatoes.
I know what you’re thinking. Where is she going with this? To be honest I had no idea either so I went and asked a few friends- what do you do? I text the first person that came to mind, the co-founder and brain behind The League and I text her: “YOOOOOOOOOOO, screenshot 1, screenshot 2, screenshot 3” I watched the three dots in the bubble form on the page. She responded with “Niggas ain’t shiiiiiiiit.” I had proceeded to tell her how bad I felt and that the situation I found myself in was foul. That I would be in my right mind to slide in the woman’s dm’s like “Woman to woman…” My friend stated that it would be in everyone’s best interest for me to fade to black before I blacked the fuck out. I text another friend too, and she gave me the same advice- you never know how someone would take that information and you don’t have to see either of them anyway. I mean, do you even know her? No. So that is his problem not yours.
I took her advice. Still, I could not just let it go. I felt some type of way about him feeling as though he had this much game to pull some shit like this. Especially with me. How disrespectful. How toxic. How disgusting! So, I waited a few days and then I went back and screenshot the last snap exchange specifically for this article. Then I deleted him. Snap is too personal for me to have just any old body on there, watching me. Emphasis on old body.
In lieu of this I stayed away from any event that I felt or knew he would participate, which pretty much meant everything in the city that I enjoyed. Until one night I linked up with a bro who was with his bruh and we all went out together. My friend was celebrating her birthday and we were supposed to link up before heading out- there was some confusion and God intervened for a reason. The moment I separated from the fellas and stood near my friend, the woman from the shout out approached her. I fell back against the wall and sipped my drink sideways. We were not introduced, praise Jesus! My friend, with her intuitive ass, looks back at me and as she bids the woman goodbye. She asks me what’s up. I was sick.
I made my way towards the door and she stopped me. We sat at two bar stools and I let her know I needed to leave. Her intuitive ass and my empathic ass had an understanding and I gave her hugs and wished her a Happy Birthday before I made my exit.
The following weekend, my sis comes to town to get her hair done and of course we played catch-up. In this I had to tell her about this situation as well and having known me the longest, I knew what she would say. Unlike my new friends, she posed the question “What would you want the other woman to do?” In my case(s) the other women already knew they were the Mashed Potatoes so I never expected any of them to contact me ‘woman to woman’ because they weren’t women. Just Mashed Potat-hoes. She was right but I knew I could not and would not ever have this conversation with that woman. Why ruin someone else’s happiness? My only issue is with him. Making me into a side. And having the audacity to put another woman in the position where she would make decisions for her future not knowing about the ugly present and or past. I was not afforded the information I needed that would have persuaded me to make better decisions, a life built upon lies had been chosen for me and this is what is haunting me. That my lips are sealed. Concealing the information that may help another woman.
This same weekend, I end up out after celebrating a fellow Virgo and while I am having pizza to end my evening, outside the window within clear sight is the woman from the photo. Jesus, why me? My throat has been aching ever since I found out. The meditation and crystals isn’t helping this one. My spiritual advisor told me to eat some food to assist and my pastor told me to pray for the man and the woman.
Ladies in The League it is imperative that these situations are discussed. We all know somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody. The ugly truth always come to light and so long as you’re on the up & up, stay strong! Ladies that have posed the question, what do you do? Do what’s best in your situation, if you know the woman break it down for her, if you don’t and you don’t feel comfortable speaking: drop subliminals (lol) and/or pray.
A week or so goes by and I receive a text from an unknown number. The last message sent to that number was a ‘Thanks’ and the last text received was two heart eyes. I knew who it was. I chose not to respond. This new text that stated, “Are we not good?” is what led me to write this…
Stay woke, Stay strong, Stay tuned #TheLeague