In the Morning

Getting Ready: The Difference Between-

Women

I’m gonna swing from, the chandelier, the chandelier. I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist, like it doesn’t exist-

Karen jumped up from her slumber and slid the ignore button to silence her alarm. At that moment, like every morning, she contemplated changing her ringtone. She rubbed her eyes and took a look at the time, it was only 7:00am and she wasn’t due into work until 9:00. Karen slid from under the sheets and out of bed, then proceeded to make it by throwing her comforter up into the air and then creasing down each corner until it looked like the spread in a Homestyle magazine. She walked into the bathroom and looked at her hair.

“What do I do with this today?” She asked her reflection in the mirror. After pulling her hair up and then letting it fall back down, she shook her head and ran her fingers through it to give it body. Upright, her hair was still just as flat and she decided to put it in a bun. When she reached for a bobby pin to hold the bun in place, there weren’t any left. There weren’t any in the drawer or even on the floor. So, she unraveled the bun and let her hair swing free in a ponytail.

She turned on some music before dancing her way over to the closet. Scanning through the clothes hanging up that barely fit and those folded neatly and stacked high. I never have anything to wear she thought. Karen pulled out a few go-to items and tried on a few pair of shoes to match it. Wearing her go-to dress, she went to her dresser and put on her go-to jewelry. She checked the time again, 8:01. She was making great time, so she decided to put on some makeup.

Back in the bathroom she rubbed lotion onto her face followed by her favorite Elf primer, then used her contour pallet to create better looking cheek bones. Then she put on a layer of foundation to blend it in, before filling in her eyebrows and spicing her eyes up with some mascara. She highlighted her cheekbones and added some blush to create a warm-looking face. She spritzed herself with her favorite scent and grabbed her phone. She went back to the mirror and took a morning selfie she sent to her friends via Snapchat, with the hashtag #IWokeUpLikeThis.

She flicked the lights, and packed up her things to walk out of the door. When she closed it, she opened it again and rushed back to the bathroom to put on deodorant. She glanced at her watch as she ran back out of the door, 8:54.

And

Men

8:00am

*Nnt, Nnt, Nnt, Nnt*

Kyle smacked the top of his alarm and sat his head up halfway to wipe the sticky saliva from the side of his mouth. The alarm went off again, this time he picked it up and threw it across the room.

“Shut the fuck up!” he yelled at the inanimate object. He burrowed his face back into his pillow and screamed then got up out of bed. He walked out into the hallway to his bathroom avoiding the various articles of clothing on the floor. When he reached the bathroom, he opened the door only to discover that last night’s date with the toilet still lingered. He proceeded to piss in the toilet anyway and made a note to plunge it later. He closed the lid and flushed. “Fuck!” he yelled as the water and its contents came up and out onto the floor. He ran back to his bedroom to grab some paper towels, then threw them aimlessly onto the milky brown and yellow water; when it was soaked up, he kicked the pile of paper towels to the corner of the bathroom and scooped them into a trash bag. He grabbed the bag and ran downstairs for the mop.

Downstairs, he threw the garbage into the garage and grabbed the mop from its place on the garage wall. Back upstairs, he turned the water on in the shower and poured bleach from the side of the toilet onto the mop. As he cleaned the stains that his puking toilet left, he spotted his lost earring. Picking it up, he put the mop in the corner, rinsed off the earring and put it in his ear. Then he hopped in the shower.

8:20

Out of the shower and looking into the mirror, he smiled at his reflection. Then proceeded to grab his mouthwash to clean his teeth and have good smelling breath. After spitting out the mouthwash, he poured some gel in his hand and smoothed his hair into a mohawk. He went back to his room and picked up a pair of boxers and conducted a sniff test to see if they were fine to wear or if he needed to open a new pack. The boxers smelled fine to him and he proceeded to put them on, only to discover that they were too small. Not his. He walked back to the frame of his door and yelled out at his housemate, “Stop bringing your fucking whores into my room Jack!” He slammed the door to add emphasis and opened a new pack of boxers. Kyle went to his dresser drawer and pulled out a t-shirt to pull on before throwing on a button down to go over top. Then he pulled a pair of his blue jeans on, then socks and sneakers. He grabbed his wallet and stuck it in his back pocket then picked up his cell phone to text, Good Morning Baby, I’m headed out the door I will see you soon. He watched the read receipt show up at 8:35 and left out to meet his girlfriend for breakfast.

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