The League (TLFO)

 

The League of Female Owners

Come one! Come all! Ladies, Women, Panty Wearers, Thotty-O’s, Girlfriends and left-hand ring bearers; Gentleman, Boys, Bros, Boyfriends, Players, Thugs and left-hand ring bearers.

We, The League, have re-opened the arena.

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 It has been said that there is a point in a woman’s life where she goes through a phase of trying to figure out what type of man is for her, but no one ever defined what that phase is or the standard. So, The League decided to create the standard instead.

When the average person thinks of dating, we typically think date- to work towards marriage. Then there are others who think of dating as a game though. A game of baseball and they play the field. In turn, we hear ‘dating game’, and we think basketball.

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But when members of The League of Female Owners discuss basketball, we are seldom talking about NBA teams. So, now we talking teams?

Yes, we are going to ‘talk teams’. The League has taken a different approach and is saying this about the phase. The standard is: Do. You. Boo. Boo.

But, if you want to become a part of The League of Female Owners then you must first message @millennial_star via twitter with, I pledge allegiance to the league. 

Draft Day Luncheon

The next steps are as follows:

 

Step One  Scout out a few recruits for the Madness. Scroll through your phone, bait and switch via twitter, join bumble/soul swipe/tinder, you could even go the old school route by going out and meeting people or a simple “Hey big head” sent via text. Once you have recruited some players proceed to step two.1

Bait and Switch

 

Step two  Get to know your team, find out what gets them going, what hinders them, become one with each player knowing that it is necessary to be besties because of course they are in the league competing with not only their teammates but other teams created by The League. Know them well enough to know when to move them and which recruits will make the cut. This is the trickiest step because you don’t know which way this phase is going to go, should you run into any issues please follow the guidelines outlined in 2.1 through 2.5.

 

Guideline 2.1: Should you end up getting to know a player that just isn’t cutting it, cut him off. Do not try to trade him either, we don’t want him in any part of The League. Cut him off. Should he get picked up by another team elsewhere, so be it. But no trading.

Guideline 2.2: Should you end up with the player who always wants to be on the field but has no experience. Bench him immediately. You make sure he is the one carrying the water for the other players to drink, he is heating up the bench for when the others get tired and/or he is simply sitting on the bench and never talking to the coach or the owner.

Guideline 2.3: If you have a player who is always bragging but doesn’t actually produce or put any points on the board, he is automatically second string. He may only leave the bench if another player gets tired.

 Men's Faces

                Guideline 2.4: If you should become annoyed or tired with any of the recruits be sure to put them in the stands. If you bench them there is a chance that you may get pissed off at another player and become petty enough to induce competition by pulling that annoying bench player onto the court; don’t be tempted, simply move him to the stands.Guidelines Broken

Guideline 2.5: Should you get to know each one of them and find that none of them should be playing on your team. Send them to the sidelines, and whether you want them court side or nosebleeds is totally up to you. Figure out a different recruitment strategy.

 

Step Three  Now that you know your recruits it is time for you to place them into their positions. No need to actually study basketball ladies, I’ve got you covered- Please use the reference sheet2 provided below:

*Point Guard = Chris Paul/Russell Westbrook

*Shooting Guard = Kobe Bryant/Dwayne Wade

*Small Forward = LeBron James/Paul Pierce

*Power Forward = Blake Griffin/Kevin Love

*Center = Dwight Howard/DeMarcus Cousins

Player's know

 

Guideline 3.1: Choosing your Point Guard. This player will be the one whose only goal is to keep you happy no matter what it takes. This player will laugh at your corny jokes, play victim but also hit you hard with the comebacks keeping a smile on your face and possibly waking you up with good morning texts every day.

Guideline 3.2: Choosing your Shooting Guard. This is the position that must be studied hard; and evaluated on a consistent basis because this is typically your most valuable player and is also the one who is calling the shots. Usually the one putting up the most points and typically offensive in their prowess. This player will also be looking to score as many points as possible, but will make you feel as though he is controlling the game (even though we all know who owns the team).

Guideline 3.3: Choosing your Small Forward is intense because this player is often moving too quickly for you to keep up. Which is why we advised you to learn all players prior to. He is typically the one that is down for anything, when you move, he moves, when you call, he comes and when you want to see him, that is where you will be at any given time.

Guideline 3.4: Choosing your Power Forward is going to be the easiest thing to do. You won’t even have to think twice about this player. He is dependable. You can call on him at 5:00am two cities away and he will come get you. Hell, you could be conducting private lessons at another players’ personal court and he would come get you from there. His rebounding skills are A-1. This is the player who is committed to the team period.

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Guideline 3.5: Choosing your Center. This is also one of the easier tasks because choosing this position is solely based upon the shallowest of all things, looks. This player is the one the people refer to as Big Fella. You will recognize him when you’re recruiting because you won’t be able to stop discussing with other owners how strong he is, how tall he is and how flexible he is. You can bet on him.

 

Step Four  Once you have established your team, you have become official in The League. You can link up with your girlfriends or other owners and discuss thoughts on players, look up player histories, and you may even write in (@millennial_star) for a second evaluation of your team. Most owners compare their players to other players in The League to see how they match up on a local, state, national and international level.

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Some women might have more than five players, which is okay because you may need some bench players. Please read the following guidelines:

 

Guideline 4.1: In the event that you have more than five quality recruits that you want to keep as players. Bench them. Simply keep them motivated enough for them to keep trying while also making sure that they are aware that they are bench players.3

Second String

Guideline 4.2: Trading is valuable and will encourage you to change your requirements for recruits. Your views may change while you’re participating in The League and it is natural that you grow in personal development as an owner. The end goal for most owners is to win the championship and get a ring. For other owners, it is about the recognition and avoiding retirement.

Trade

Guideline 4.3: There is no such thing as too many bench players. There are going to be times when you have to bench your starters, dismiss players to the stands, ban players from the arena and sometimes you may even have to ban them from The League.

Guideline 4.4: If you find yourself in the middle of the season and you are being pressed to conduct recruitment, be open. You never know what type of other talent is out there. Besides, not one player on your team has gotten you that championship ring yet.

Championship

Guideline 4.5: Be patient with your players, assist them in developing their talents as often as you see fit and are able. Keep track of points and thoughts, process these with other owners. There is a high possibility that one of them will get you that championship ring or that you will make a trade and the player will be traded and get that championship ring for another owner.

 

Step Five  Throughout the entire season, make sure that you are having fun. Don’t just participate but be involved, attend other games and kickback with other owners. At the end, when you have won that championship ring, you may end up trading all of your players to one of them. You are in charge of your team, own that. Set your standard.

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1The league does not accept men found on Christian Singles, Match, Sugar Daddy Arrangements or Black People Meet

2 The reference sheet was not created or intended for women who actually watch and love basketball/NBA, the players chosen in reference were only researched by position. No current nor former NBA players have anything to do with this article.

3Bench Players are a variety of recruits ranging from long distance pen pals, entertainment but never taken too seriously

4Banning players from The League is to be taken seriously. This discussion is to be had between a minimum of two owners and once a player has been banned they cannot return to the league for two years

*No member, player, owner nor sponsor of the NBA nor the NBA as an entity has any affiliation to this article. Photos derived from the internet of celebrities who also have no affiliation. Promotional graphics were approved by those for the sole usage of this article. The League, is not real. 

 

A Word for Young Ladies Who Resemble Me

There comes a time in life when you are shown you are an adult but told that you are still a child. Like, when you are staying home from school to work so that you may feed the family. When you stay home instead of playing with friends to watch your siblings while your parents party. When you are still expected to get good grades and focus in school when you haven’t had an ounce to eat or an hour of sleep; because sometimes the gunshots kept you up and low.

Drafted as an adult to only be talked down to like a child.

Queens 2

What is the meaning of it all?

Are you an adult or a child?

 

Answer: You are, a mature young adult.

There.

That’s your new title and you should wear it proud. Say it aloud! While you also shout to the world about how you are a Melaninaire be sure to tell them that you are a mature young adult Melaninaire (for clarification).

 

Melanin 2

At this point in your life, which 99.9% of you reach before age 15, you will come to understand confusion. You will experience fear and anger on the Richter scale. You may even come across more than your fair share of emotionally traumatizing experiences such as severe whoopings or being told that you are not this or that.

Through it all, you will come out on top. You will overcome. You will succeed.

Queens

You will wake up and look in the mirror once you reach paying bills type of adulthood and see that you are one of and amongst the strongest beings to ever walk the Earth. A black woman. You will feel empowered because you will know that it was your determination that pulled you through and through.

The only handout you may have received was probably due the next day but you didn’t and won’t allow that to deter you from accomplishing any goal you set for yourself. It’s hard to set goals and reach for the stars when your view is covered by brick mansions, I know, but don’t stand in the same spot. Move to a different level so that you may see the stars in the limitless sky; because you are limitless.

 

❤ A limitless, mature, young adult, Melaninaire ❤

 

*If there are words you’ve never seen or do not understand please use a dictionary or google. Read! Be on the lookout for Melaninaire

The Secrets Out

  One evening at the Johnson household when Josiah was supposed to be setting the table, he was preparing himself for the speech he planned on committing during their daily family dinner.

        Downstairs he heard his mom calling for him,

“Josiah! Josiah, the table isn’t going to set itself!”

“Ask Jamaal, he isn’t doing anything and I’m getting changed since I got all dirty at my game earlier.”

Downstairs his mother rolled her eyes up to the ceiling where she heard the footsteps of her other son, Jamaal, coming down to take Josiah’s place in setting the table. Julia’s husband, Johnathan, entered the kitchen where she was adding her finishing touches to her Meatloaf.

“Hi Honey.” Johnathan said as he kissed his wife on the cheek.

“Did you finish up all of the work you needed to get done tonight?”

“Yes, I actually got a little more accomplished than I thought I would”, he replied as he looked up and noticed Jamaal, “Hey Jay, where’s Jo? Isn’t it his week to set the table?”

“Sup’ pops, and yea it is his turn but you know pretty boy had to wash up from his game.” Jamaal responded sarcastically.

“He played for like three minutes, if that. How dirty could he have gotten in less than five minutes?”

“That’s enough of that. I don’t want you two taking it any further, my child is a great football player and he is a pretty boy, yes, but at least he washes his hands before dinner.” Julia said as she began placing the food on the table and turning her nose up at her son’s dirty hands. Jamaal threw his hands in the air then walked over to the half bathroom to wash them.

“Germs all over the damn silverware, I should have known his dirty ass forgot to wash them again. Now I have to set the table, if you want something done…”

“You do it yourself.” Johnathan finished his wife’s sentence and grabbed her for a kiss. “My hands are clean honey and I will reset the table.”

Josiah was at the top of the stairs listening to his brother and father go on about him, thankful that his mother cut them off before they could hurt his feelings any more than they had. He took a step back, rethinking his plan, maybe he shouldn’t, but he needed to and walked down the steps to greet his family.

“Hey mom and dad.” He said as his parents turned to look at him. Julia dropped the bowl of broccoli onto the floor and Johnathan’s eyes bulged, Jamaal was standing still in the doorway of the bathroom with his jaw dropped.

“Josiah, what is that?” Johnathan asked his pretty boy son who looked more like a pretty girl at the moment.

“This, this is me.” He said as he walked towards the fallen broccoli and began picking it up piece by piece. “Sorry I made you drop this mom. I’ll make some more.”

Julia was still standing there, frozen in the moment of time from when she first laid eyes on her son, her eldest son, wearing a skirt and a blouse. It wasn’t Halloween, it wasn’t a prank, it wasn’t a decision he made when he rolled out of bed one day, he said and it is true this is me. She felt her husband’s hand on her arm guide her to the head of the table, robotically, she walked to sit in the chair.

“Honey, look at me. Honey, breathe, you need to breathe.” Johnathan said attempting to call his wife from her catatonic state.

Julia turned to look at him and tears began rolling down from her eyes. Images of her siblings flashed through her mind, she could see her brother so vividly but could not process what Josiah had just said.

Johnathan turned towards his son.

“Look what you did Josiah. You made your mother cry, are you happy? Why would you do this? You play football, how are you gay? I don’t understand, please explain.”

Josiah pulled the freshly cooked broccoli from the microwave and sat down at the opposite head of the table, across from his parents.

“I am gay. I have always been gay. I like boys. I also prefer to wear clothes like these. Clothes labeled as ‘Women’s’ or ‘Ladies’. There have also been times that mom would have me in Sephora for hours and I would dip off and play around in the makeup”, Josiah replied, “Oh, and Jamaal I really do enjoy watching Lifetime Movie Network.”

“On bra! Oh na, you’re playing! LIFETIME?!” Jamaal yelled out in disbelief.

“I th- th- that’s not the important part.” Julia began between breaths. She straightened herself up ad began speaking directly towards Josiah. “I think that you may just be confused and-“

“No. Mom. I am not confused and for once I am thinking clearly. I have been having these feelings for a long time and I felt like I had to hide to avoid disappointing you or dad. I signed up for football and watched it with Jay every time a game aired. I was afraid, but after today and after I saw that e-mail. I now know that I am okay.” Josiah defended himself.

“What e-mail?”

“The e-mail on mom’s laptop. Stop acting confused. I mean, you all had me believing a lie for seventeen years but not anymore.”

“When did you get on my computer?” Julia asked.

“What is he talking about ma?” Jamaal chimed in.

“Nothing. Son, please go to your room. We need to have a private discussion with Josiah.” Johnathan commanded Jamaal.

“No, he can stay here. I am not ashamed and neither should you all be. Jamaal deserves to know the truth just as much as I do”, Josiah said to his parents, “I want the full details.”

“The truth is, we never wanted you to know or feel some type of way about your origins,” Julia began, “Or your birth parents.”

“WHAT?! Bra not my brother?” Jamaal jumped out of his seat.

“Sit down Jamaal!” Johnathan commanded.

“That explains the payment confirmation e-mail but I know there’s more. Continue Mom.” Josiah said as tears welled up in his eyes.

Julia opened up about the adoption process while her husband held her hands in his. She began with the day she found Josiah wrapped in a blanket on their doorstep with a note attached. She stood up and went to her desk drawer, unlocked it and pulled out the note that read,

Sis, I can’t do this. I can’t raise a child alone and I see why she left us but the way I felt about her and the way I feel now are two different things. This little boy needs a loving home and a man to raise him. You and I both know that my brother-in-law is fully capable of doing so. I apologize if this will be a burden to you but please do not give him to Child Protective Services, if you do that then I may never see him again. I will be back to see him on his 18th Birthday, by that time I should be steady and he will be mature enough to understand. Please take care of him and do not tell him anything because I will, once I figure it all out.

“Your dad, my brother, he was gay and he… he ended up on the streets. He was selling himself for drug money, back when crack was big in the ghetto and he died of an overdose on another drug four years ago.” Julia confessed through tears.

Josiah stood up and walked over to where his mom was sitting. He crouched beside her and they embraced one another. Johnathan stood and wrapped his arms around both of them while Jamaal sat back, still in disbelief.

In the Morning

Getting Ready: The Difference Between-

Women

I’m gonna swing from, the chandelier, the chandelier. I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist, like it doesn’t exist-

Karen jumped up from her slumber and slid the ignore button to silence her alarm. At that moment, like every morning, she contemplated changing her ringtone. She rubbed her eyes and took a look at the time, it was only 7:00am and she wasn’t due into work until 9:00. Karen slid from under the sheets and out of bed, then proceeded to make it by throwing her comforter up into the air and then creasing down each corner until it looked like the spread in a Homestyle magazine. She walked into the bathroom and looked at her hair.

“What do I do with this today?” She asked her reflection in the mirror. After pulling her hair up and then letting it fall back down, she shook her head and ran her fingers through it to give it body. Upright, her hair was still just as flat and she decided to put it in a bun. When she reached for a bobby pin to hold the bun in place, there weren’t any left. There weren’t any in the drawer or even on the floor. So, she unraveled the bun and let her hair swing free in a ponytail.

She turned on some music before dancing her way over to the closet. Scanning through the clothes hanging up that barely fit and those folded neatly and stacked high. I never have anything to wear she thought. Karen pulled out a few go-to items and tried on a few pair of shoes to match it. Wearing her go-to dress, she went to her dresser and put on her go-to jewelry. She checked the time again, 8:01. She was making great time, so she decided to put on some makeup.

Back in the bathroom she rubbed lotion onto her face followed by her favorite Elf primer, then used her contour pallet to create better looking cheek bones. Then she put on a layer of foundation to blend it in, before filling in her eyebrows and spicing her eyes up with some mascara. She highlighted her cheekbones and added some blush to create a warm-looking face. She spritzed herself with her favorite scent and grabbed her phone. She went back to the mirror and took a morning selfie she sent to her friends via Snapchat, with the hashtag #IWokeUpLikeThis.

She flicked the lights, and packed up her things to walk out of the door. When she closed it, she opened it again and rushed back to the bathroom to put on deodorant. She glanced at her watch as she ran back out of the door, 8:54.

And

Men

8:00am

*Nnt, Nnt, Nnt, Nnt*

Kyle smacked the top of his alarm and sat his head up halfway to wipe the sticky saliva from the side of his mouth. The alarm went off again, this time he picked it up and threw it across the room.

“Shut the fuck up!” he yelled at the inanimate object. He burrowed his face back into his pillow and screamed then got up out of bed. He walked out into the hallway to his bathroom avoiding the various articles of clothing on the floor. When he reached the bathroom, he opened the door only to discover that last night’s date with the toilet still lingered. He proceeded to piss in the toilet anyway and made a note to plunge it later. He closed the lid and flushed. “Fuck!” he yelled as the water and its contents came up and out onto the floor. He ran back to his bedroom to grab some paper towels, then threw them aimlessly onto the milky brown and yellow water; when it was soaked up, he kicked the pile of paper towels to the corner of the bathroom and scooped them into a trash bag. He grabbed the bag and ran downstairs for the mop.

Downstairs, he threw the garbage into the garage and grabbed the mop from its place on the garage wall. Back upstairs, he turned the water on in the shower and poured bleach from the side of the toilet onto the mop. As he cleaned the stains that his puking toilet left, he spotted his lost earring. Picking it up, he put the mop in the corner, rinsed off the earring and put it in his ear. Then he hopped in the shower.

8:20

Out of the shower and looking into the mirror, he smiled at his reflection. Then proceeded to grab his mouthwash to clean his teeth and have good smelling breath. After spitting out the mouthwash, he poured some gel in his hand and smoothed his hair into a mohawk. He went back to his room and picked up a pair of boxers and conducted a sniff test to see if they were fine to wear or if he needed to open a new pack. The boxers smelled fine to him and he proceeded to put them on, only to discover that they were too small. Not his. He walked back to the frame of his door and yelled out at his housemate, “Stop bringing your fucking whores into my room Jack!” He slammed the door to add emphasis and opened a new pack of boxers. Kyle went to his dresser drawer and pulled out a t-shirt to pull on before throwing on a button down to go over top. Then he pulled a pair of his blue jeans on, then socks and sneakers. He grabbed his wallet and stuck it in his back pocket then picked up his cell phone to text, Good Morning Baby, I’m headed out the door I will see you soon. He watched the read receipt show up at 8:35 and left out to meet his girlfriend for breakfast.

Beautiful -by LaTeasha

I Need to Know I’m Beautiful

 

I need to know I’m beautiful

I need to know it when I wake up in the morning with crust on my eye and drool on my cheek.

I need to know it when my hair is a mess and my eyebrows ain’t on fleek.

I need to know it when I made yet another mistake that I cannot undo.

And I need to know it for myself cause this here beauty, is for me, not you.

 

I’m not talking about the beauty that is strictly glitz-n-glamor, I’m talking the gritty shit that built my character.

I’m talking ‘bout the pain ‘I’ endured that created morals and the reason why I’m so Goddamn Loyal

I need to know this beauty so it runs through my veins because I need it as confidence when I’m in pain.

I need it as armor when I walk in through that fucking office ‘cause them white muthafucka’s have a hard time seeing what I’m offerin’

As a black woman, I’m tired if doing it all by myself but it’s hard to depend on someone else when they can’t see your beauty like you see it in yourself.

 

I need to see it when no one else can, ‘cause I be damned if I let someone else paint a portrait of who I am.

I need to know my beauty so it infuses with my soul, ‘cause that piece has been missing and it’s time to take control.

 

**Inspired by my beautiful black sister-friend Erika, I love you E!**