Me, Myself & God

I’ve been a good girl my whole life, You know, the type a man would wife.

I’ve only given myself to man twice, Only to end up on my knees begging Christ:

Why? Why must I cry for them when it’s my heart hurting? Why must I try harder when they were flirting?

Why am I toting such an old soul with no match? Why do they spit on it and say I’m a perfect catch?

Maybe I’m too young to be talking this “love” shit, Maybe I should close my fourth chakra and quit.

Yet I stick around until I fall out, Because I have to be sure and without a doubt.

But they always mess up, love is impossible. Move on to the next and never compare my ex cause they’re not responsible.

I was the one blinded by only seeing the good in them. Even if I’d chosen the next I’d be crying over him.

They are all growing; at least that’s what they say. In reality, boys are dogs and will always find a new game to play.

I find myself writing this poem out of spite, Yet while I type I am thinking about my love life.

Still trying to figure out what was missing when I had everything Nobody but you and I know about the wedding ring…

But I’m not quite ready for marriage; I just talk about it from time to time. Security of something tangible in the future eases my mind.

Society says strive for something great, something that is hard to do. So I look for love in all of the wrong fools.

Not for looks, money, dick or attention… I get enough of that from tweets and niggas in my mentions.

But I yearn for deep, stable, genuine, impenetrable love. Once upon a time I sought it from above…

Maybe it’s time to try something or someone new, But as I try I end up back at you.

You and the universe know you don’t deserve me. Shit all you do is find new ways to hurt me.

Whether it is physically or verbally; That’s why I don’t feel you and you don’t belong to me.

You are NOT mine And whispering those words at night sends chills up my spine.

I can’t even say that I love you, so I hide it in Espanol; Te quiero mucho mi pedazo de mierda, you reap what you sow!

Reevaluating my life all the way down to a T, I figured out the only person to put effort in is me!

But my sincerity and giving to others is what brings me joy, So I continue to give and to show these little boys.

Something in their lives is missing too, But I’ve got to play smart, I’ve already been a fool.

They have taught me to live life in the moment and that’s what I’m doin; Always ready for the weather cause a storm is always brewing.

(High School)

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