For Women

In a society where everyone puts on a convincing front, portraying themselves as genuinely confident, by waking up extra early to put on a full costume. No one speaks on the ugly reality of low self-esteem or general social anxiety. Where are those who want to speak life into others by showing them that these struggles are real and should not be ignored? Life’s obstacles are rough and tougher on some than others but there is a positive side to every negative.

 

A major obstacle for most women is self-esteem. Some women may compete with each other for male attention or confirmation from others that they are beautiful or to prove that whatever they are doing, matters. For some women low self-esteem is directly connected to their depression or depressive state, for other women it may be due to the 15 likes on a selfie that they projected would get at least 50 and for other women; their self-esteem comes from the recognition of their successes in life by strangers or even people around them.

 

For most, it could be a combination of everything. Take me for example, a young, black, Hispanic, woman; in America. For starters, not one person under the age of eighteen instantly recognizes me as an adult because of my age (and the fact that most of them are taller than I).  Appearance wise, I’m not recognized and sometimes not accepted as being Hispanic or of Latin decent due to my Afro and darker toned skin. On the other side I, and this is true for most suburban black people, am also not accepted as black for not living in or exposing my struggle. Last, but definitely not least, we can add into the mix all of the many struggles that come with being a woman such as equal pay/the cost of beauty/constant judgement etc. Then we factor in the fact that I am under thirty so I am less deserving of respect from older professionals but too old to be acting childish and needy or confused; which is true for most recent college grads that I know of. When you combine all of these issues and add a few dashes of daily life struggles such as, living paycheck to paycheck to pay off student loans, a car- note, Health Insurance, personal expenses, groceries and household bills one could say I am tired. Mentally, physically and emotionally tired.

 

Yet. I won’t ever give up.

 

You may be tired too. Tired of putting together that costume each day, tired of posting selfies to social media that is all too time consuming, tired of competing with your male-counterpart who does less than you but makes 2-3,000$ more, tired of eating plain lettuce because all you want is a Busken donut for breakfast and maybe even just tired from staying up all night. Many women are tired and stressed out for many different reasons.

 

But as you should know, we will not give up.

 

While I may struggle with the day-to-day external and internal struggles I know that I have a purpose. I know that being black has made it easier for me to connect with the inner-city children I work with and mentor. Being Hispanic has made it easier for me to obtain a job/career and also in networking with other bilingual people. As a woman, I may not be afforded every privilege a man has but I am blessed to be a member of many female-centered organizations such as the American Association of University Women. As a young professional I am able to connect my college friends to older mentors in their field as well as connect with a few mentors myself.  I realized, when I became exhausted, that if I went to sleep those who depend on me may give up too. And that.

 

That is the last thing I want.

 

I look around me at other women, such as yourself, who have these same struggles and each one I come across I say a prayer for.

 

In them I see that self-determination (working that costume), the inability to give up (constantly trying to prove themselves), the light that a majority of the world needs and the passion that so many people seek (perhaps through working extra hard in their profession).

 

I want to tell each and every one of those women that they can do anything that they set out to do and work hard for, I want to yell out, “You got this sis!” but then I don’t. I sit back and I say my prayer, then I go write about the strength of these women and find through my words that I am also inspiring myself. So as my words inspire me, I hope that they inspire you in return. The struggle that you may be facing, in whichever capacity that is, this is not the extent of your existence but a mere stumble in the road on your path to fulfilling God’s destined plan for you. It is not our struggles that hinder our growth, it is our struggles that enable our growth. Embrace what is wrong in your life and acknowledge it through prayer. As you work your way through these struggles say a prayer of gratitude for making it another day, say a prayer of hope for the strength and courage to move forward, say a prayer ahead of time to ensure that you will persevere.

 

And as you pray on, know this:

 

I pray that you continuously work hard to get where you want to be in life. I pray that no obstacle is ever tough enough to hold you back. I pray that no matter how tired you are that you will always get the job done. I pray that you always find the inner strength. I pray that the well wishes you speak for the women around you, the women you do not know or the women who have touched your life in some way, also reach you.

Star Candee

#Thankful

Riding on the waves of life,

I was washed ashore by the tide.

Through perseverance and strife

I was able to set aside my pride.

No longer in pain caused by emotionally traumatic experiences

because I’d decided to live life the way God intended.

This journey has been a long one and I’m only twenty-two,

two years ago I didn’t see myself here but God knew.

Placing me away from mistakes and how not to make them again,

I was separated from loved ones, cherished ones, family and friends.

I was drowning. Suffocated by lies, conflict and hate.

But, today I am shore on the right path. Journeying to my fate.

No Justice, No Peace- 2016

No justice, No peace, No silence in the streets except to mourn the deceased murdered by police.

Through blurry eyes the people seek the cleansing of the undercover sheets, but this is America don’t you see? Built by the greedy upon the meek.

Their worshipped ancestors washed upon these shores and enslaved the indigenous; too lazy to do their chores

Then they sought a different source, on a different course they found Africa; land open, with labor resources and more.

Kidnappings, money exchanges and lies were the lure. Babies snatched from mothers and out of their eyes water poured.

Whippings, brandings, lynchings, murders and burnings; and for not even a month this is a ‘peace’ of our learning.

Totaling five hundred years and even our youth are living in fear. Afraid to succeed in anything besides a dead-end career.

No teaching of the bombings and looting from the success because we are taught to believe that we were and will always be less.

Today, labeled as beasts and barbarians while their captors, murderers and Klansmen are seen as humanitarians. The wise question the  façade but remain still in the sanitarium;

Where propaganda is breakfast, lunch and dinner. Where the racists lead the races, who will be the winner?

Stuck in the sanitarium, eyes glued to the TV to which they are programmed to see- the stereotypical you and me.

The same image that allows Darren Wilson, George Zimmerman and Ray Tensing to walk free. I say ‘and’ because the list is too long, so lengthy

I need space to say to Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown and Sam Dubose may you rest in peace and tranquility. While we, will continue the fight in Unity-

Fighting for and against humanity, fighting through the trauma and calamity.

All day and night looking to the North Star for the light, and as it twinkles and gleams. We recognize that it is our ancestors smiles as they beam,

because they see that is is our turn to rip injustice from the seams

Of the American flag of these divided states and to finally permanently abolish systematic hate!

 

Love Lesson

Although they say she was never mean,

I was chastised and taunted for being lean.

I hid my emotions in the back of the closet

Instead of love, I received cash deposits.

The shots of vodka I was offered each tear.

Hiding the pain from her out of fear.

I needed someone to love me back,

I need someone to love me like, that.

Still, today love is so far away

and still, silent in these situations I stay.

She taught  me that this is what love is.

She taught me to only share my business.

Not what led to the decisions.

But only what can be sensed through vision.

That crying was the only way to release the tension

But to make sure to be silent off in the distance.

And still they say she was never mean.

Yet they do not know for they have not seen;

She taught me love is, when you’re belittled.

Love is not, warm bodies at 2am and cuddled…

She taught me a level of emotional intelligence

that I have discovered to be parental negligence.

And still today I accept all of these,

this is the meaning of love shown to me.

When he is emotionally distant and hidden from me,

I walked through the closet door just to see,

the loving and kind ingenuity,

so explicitly he has expressed it to me,

by fornicating in the closet with Ms. Becky,

at least he will return and sleep next to me.

See I was taught that hurt and pain,

come in this way but to remain;

Unmoved in your current position,

because it’s familiar unlike new transition.

Yet, I taught myself to focus on each intention.

The way I became newly licensed in Prevention,

it’s how I avoid negativity and paying it attention.

I decided that with the gift of God’s vision,

that I would include love in every decision,

that from here on out i’d walk in his divine mission.

He has taught me that love is forgiveness,

that love is still loving past ignorance.

I know now that when my spirit speaks, I listen.

When following my guide my aura will glisten.

And when anger, jealousy and hate attempt at division

to call upon the grace of his begotten son

and with steadfastness and perseverance my war will be won-

The pain from the trials made me a whole woman.

No longer will the emotionless leave me in ruin.

I am aware of all that I am today

and I would not be here had I not bowed to pray.

I forgave her for not knowing what she’d done,

I forgave her for forcing me to be the strong one.

I thank her for all of the tough lessons,

for they have paved way for many blessings.

Rihnspired

Safely on shore I ran through the woods,

deeply entangled in the thicket of various hoods.

Lost in the brown eyes and the sweetest of nothings,

Still. I remained, constantly on the hunt for something.

Wading by the water is my Savior.

While, Still. I took part in lustrous behavior.

I apologize and repent, only to do it again.

A serious craving for love stays in the life of sin.

Hiding in my sacred space, away from the eyes,

Still. They hunt me down, my jewel is their prize.

One by one they devoured me and, Still. I remained.

Still. Searching for something. Love on the brain?

My First Love

Sacrificed on the cross to pay for my sins,

dead for thousands of years but living within.

Teaching me how to forgive without receiving apology

and how to release every, one and thing not made for me.

How to appreciate those who show that they care,

how to be omnipresent although not physically there.

Oh, Christ has always been my first love.

Guiding me each step, side by side. From above.

Me, Myself & God

I’ve been a good girl my whole life, You know, the type a man would wife.

I’ve only given myself to man twice, Only to end up on my knees begging Christ:

Why? Why must I cry for them when it’s my heart hurting? Why must I try harder when they were flirting?

Why am I toting such an old soul with no match? Why do they spit on it and say I’m a perfect catch?

Maybe I’m too young to be talking this “love” shit, Maybe I should close my fourth chakra and quit.

Yet I stick around until I fall out, Because I have to be sure and without a doubt.

But they always mess up, love is impossible. Move on to the next and never compare my ex cause they’re not responsible.

I was the one blinded by only seeing the good in them. Even if I’d chosen the next I’d be crying over him.

They are all growing; at least that’s what they say. In reality, boys are dogs and will always find a new game to play.

I find myself writing this poem out of spite, Yet while I type I am thinking about my love life.

Still trying to figure out what was missing when I had everything Nobody but you and I know about the wedding ring…

But I’m not quite ready for marriage; I just talk about it from time to time. Security of something tangible in the future eases my mind.

Society says strive for something great, something that is hard to do. So I look for love in all of the wrong fools.

Not for looks, money, dick or attention… I get enough of that from tweets and niggas in my mentions.

But I yearn for deep, stable, genuine, impenetrable love. Once upon a time I sought it from above…

Maybe it’s time to try something or someone new, But as I try I end up back at you.

You and the universe know you don’t deserve me. Shit all you do is find new ways to hurt me.

Whether it is physically or verbally; That’s why I don’t feel you and you don’t belong to me.

You are NOT mine And whispering those words at night sends chills up my spine.

I can’t even say that I love you, so I hide it in Espanol; Te quiero mucho mi pedazo de mierda, you reap what you sow!

Reevaluating my life all the way down to a T, I figured out the only person to put effort in is me!

But my sincerity and giving to others is what brings me joy, So I continue to give and to show these little boys.

Something in their lives is missing too, But I’ve got to play smart, I’ve already been a fool.

They have taught me to live life in the moment and that’s what I’m doin; Always ready for the weather cause a storm is always brewing.

(High School)